Real live boyfriends

In the nightmare that is Ruby Oliver’s high school career, Ruby is in love. Or, would be, if her boyfriend Noel would call her back. He’s turned into a pod-robot lobotomy patient and Ruby can’t figure out why.

Not only is her romantic life a shambles: Her dad is weeping on the couch eating Cheetos, her mother’s got a piglet head in the refrigerator, Hutch has gone to Paris to play baguette air guitar, the wenchery of Cricket has escalated to truly nefarious levels, Gideon shows up shirtless, and the pygmy goat Robespierre is no help whatsoever.

Will Ruby ever find mental health? Will she ever understand boys? Will she ever stop making lists? (No, to that last one.)