We had the best plan. It was genius: a sure-fire golden ticket to stratospheric stardom and loads of money! It was so massive it was going to change our lives forever. Agnes, Jimmy, baby Alfie and I were going to become reality show super stars.

I had it all worked out. We had a brilliant back story. Tears, tragedy, heartfelt close up shots of me and Baby Alfie, feuding families, star crossed lovers… It’s all there! Plus we had a surprise package, and surprise packages ALWAYS make it to the top ten! We couldn’t loose. Or that was the plan.

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